Showing posts from 2011

Bookmark Today

Really. I wish I could bookmark today so that I could go back and re-read it over and over again. It was one of those glorious it-all-just-worked kind of days.

We woke to two kids sleeping in late (our "weekend" is Tuesday/Wednesday around here) and the other two whispering and plotting how to build a Lego scenario. There's something wonderful about laying in bed, slowly adjusting to morning wakefulness and listening to kids share ideas and giggles.

Over the next couple of hours, everyone got moving and we shared a special weekend breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes, sausage, and pineapple. And I found myself laughing that our kids' appetites have gotten to the place where they'll polish off almost 3 full recipes of pancake batter. Wow!!

Then it was on to that every-day stuff. Laundry had to be done, the dog walked, beds made, the house opened to the warmth and breezes of the day. After the kids got their chores done, while Dad and I collaborated on laundry stuf…

Well, Thank You, But... (an Open Letter to My Nurses)

Dear Nursing Staff,

Thank you for taking wonderful care of me today. Your prompt attention, compassion, sense of humor were all appreciated. I'd just like to address one misconception that seemed to come up *every* time one or another of you came to my room. One of you went so far as to be sure to inform the new nurse to the room of this staggering misconception. So, I'm sorry if I shatter you, but... being a mom of four kids and homeschooling them does not, in fact, qualify me for sainthood or Superwoman status. Although your awe and compliments totally made my day...when I closed my eyes and ignored their insane level of falsehood. :)

I could tell from your reactions that somewhere in your mind this picture was being painted:
A family in which some Otherworldly magic has imbued the very atmosphere with a backdrop of harp melodies, the strains of which caress each gentle child to wake in the morning with the sweetest of spirits. Upon awakening, this Otherworldly influence contin…


The Winds of Fate
One ship drives east and another drives west,
With the self-same winds that blow,
'Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
That tell them the way to go.
Like the winds of the sea are the winds of fate,
As we voyage along through life,
'Tis the set of the soul
That decides its goal
And not the calm or the strife.
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Out of the Mouths of Babes

The conversation in our home this morning as the kids waited for breakfast:

Michael: so...God made us...but how did he get our ribs to wrap around our bodies? They're hard. How did he get them to bend like that?

Me: **insert brief explanation of DNA chains that contain codes of instructions for the cells as they develop to grow in exactly the way God wants them to grow to create the parts of the body**

Michael: There are directions for all of my cells?

Me: Yes.

Michael: Well, then, why did God give my cells directions so that I would have autism?

**crickets chirping**

Reese, without missing a beat and with a "well, duh" tone of voice: Because He wanted you to be unique!

I love my kids.

My Brain...

is so very tired. I've got very little to say. Between hormone shifting that's leaving me sleepless, kids who have no respect for the fact that if you stay up all night you should really be allowed to sleep all day, having a *major* curveball of a decision thrown at us that had to be decided in a matter of days, and general familial stress, there's no room left to form coherent thoughts for blogging.

So. I will share with you the joy and sentimentality of the link that my brother made sure that my niece would pass on just for me. It was his first communication with me after he landed in Qatar last night. Get your tissues ready.

Just can't see the screen for the tears, can you?
I love my big brother and our strange and wonderful relationship.

Excuse Me? I Need a Tour Guide for Switzerland.

I don't talk about it much. I deal with it daily. Some days better than others. But it's always there in the background, threatening to derail the day in an instant. I hate labels. I hate boxing people in. I hate narrowing who a person can be down to a set of predictable or probable behaviors. And yet...

It is time I look it in the face. Call it what it is. Use the labels as tools to find partners who can come alongside us and help unlock some of the secrets to being parents who give their kids the very best chance of becoming who they were created to be. I have a son with autism. More exactly, I have a son who has been diagnosed with high-functioning autism and secondary attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. My brilliant, sweet, snuggly, orderly, just-so, complex-subject grasping child is autistic. EVEN on days when he *appears* to be typical, he is not. Even though he is highly intelligent and has no comorbid physical problems, his brain still functions in ways that need …

Be Still

I've tried writing this post 3 times now. I find that, unlike many of my blogging friends, I am simply not able to put into words the path I am travelling *as I am travelling it.* I'm much more of a reflecting-back-on-what-was-learned type. Not really going to spend a lot of brain power deciding whether thats good/bad/indifferent; it is what it is. So. Suffice it to say that I'm travelling a path right now that is not easy.

Today, though, I had a respite. Tangible encouragement. And while I'm not one given to mysticism or symbolism, I am learning to look for God in His creation and finding that it is true; He's placed Himeself there if we only take time to look.

We spent the day taking a much-needed break from "normal life" at a local springs. It was beautiful. Sunny skies, crystal water, rustling trees as they stirred in the gentle breeze; perfection. Stepping into the water was an incremental process. Somehow, I'd expected 72 degrees to feel warmer th…

Mixed Emotions...

It has been an emotional day. For me. For the vast majority of our country. An objective so long sought has been accomplished. What concerns me most is the reaction I have seen to it. It worries me - what it says about our country. About the condition of our hearts. About the clarity of our minds. Whether we realize what we are saying at all...

Here is a brief summation of the ponderings of my heart today.

*Am I deeply grateful to our military for completing this mission objective? Absolutely.
*Do I fully agree that it had to be accomplished? Yes again.
*Do I think it solves everything? No.
*Do I think there will be political advantage taken? Of course. By both sides.
*Does it terrify me how many "hope he had full magazines emptied into him" or "wish I could've seen his eyes" kind of hateful, pleasure-in-death statements worthy of an Osama Bin Laden type person I have seen? YES!!
*Am I sickened that it seems that both people who can't stand Bush and people who can…


This about says it all:

My Daddy never ceases to amaze me.

The Race...

I've been a negligent blogger. Especially when you consider that I've strung y'all along in suspense over this whole "will the crazy 38-year-old be able to complete a half marathon" issue! So?...
Do ya wanna know?...
Since it's a full two days after the event?...

The answer is a resounding YES! I was able to finish. But not only did I finish, I learned so much about enduring, overcoming, and truly finishing *well*.

Three weeks and three days before the race (coincidentally, about the same time I fell off the edge of the blog world) I had a little mishap. While riding my scooter to work, a gentleman in a greater hurry than myself ran a red light as I was beginning a left-turn into my business parking lot. I didn't make it to the lot. I had a split second to decide whether to gun it and beat him (not realistic), keep going and get hit (not attractive), or slam on brakes on fog-wet pavement and eat it (sounds good to me!). I went down on my left side with my arm…

Intimate Relationship

I've been struggling with how to word this post for over a week now. Do I present the conversation and just leave you to draw your own conclusions? Do I elaborate on all of the ponderings of my heart that have occurred since this conversation? Is this even as mind-blowing to anyone else?

Because it is mind-blowing to me. In an utterly simple, natural, deeply intimate moment, I was gripped to the core of my being. By the faith of a child. Could it be so truly simple? Yes. It is. And in our adulthood and desire for knowledge and rightness we cloud and complicate the clear simplicity. And we lose so much because of it. We gain prestige, propriety, position... and we lose intimacy.

Let me share the short, sweet conversation with you. It happened as our family was sitting down to eat dinner together. Long ago, we gave up the standard "join hands 'round the table to give thanks before we partake;" not because we aren't thankful, but because it had been reduced to a relig…

Generation/Vocabulary Gap

Nicole (my 5 year old daughter) came into my room today and mumbled something unintelligible.

Me: What you talkin' about, Willis?

Nicole: Who is Willis?

Me: It's just a quote from an old show, sweetie. What did you need?

Nicole: I am NOT a quote! ... whatever that is...

Milestones and AHA! Moments

This morning was huge for me. It was time, according to my training schedule, for me to run a 5K. No biggie, you say? You've been running up to 6 miles, you say? Well, you'd be right. Sort of.

Until now, my training schedule has called for ever longer distances, but has not pushed a required pace. I have personally imposed a 15-min mile minimum to be sure I can handle the requirement for my race, but have given myself plenty of slack to walk rather than run the mileage. Which is fine, as my trainer calls for a run/walk system to increase endurance. But today was different. Today was the day to test the limits of that endurance.

The result? The **first time** I have run an entire 5k with only (3) 30-second walking breaks. Woohoo!!! And my pace? A 13-minute mile! Double woohoo!!! I'm so excited to see what God is building into my body and praying to see Him use this for His glory.

So...what's the AHA? It was so striking that I literally started laughing in the weight room. …

I'm Listening. Oh, How You Speak...

The race registration fee will *not* be waived? ... Well...Then... Um... *That* didn't work out like I figured it would. And it was such a great idea, too! And other people have done it for their charities! What gives, God? Now this thing of racing to bring Daniel home has gone from weight on my heart to seriously burning fire in my spirit. I'm not going to have to watch this fall apart, am I? You wouldn't DO that! Your handprints are all over the whole thing up 'til now... oh. um. yeah. except for that little frantic emailing thing.

Okay. I'm listening. What's YOUR plan, Lord? ...


Oh. I get it. Wait. Sigh. Okay. I'll wait. I'll keep training, but I'll wait for You to provide. You know I stink at that, right? Just makin' sure.

Y'know, I don't recall ever being able to make the statement that a huge corporate entity was undeniably used to fulfill God's plan. He sure uses some crazy places to bring His plans about. Maybe so that t…

W.A.I.T. Get It? Good.

As you can imagine, after launching that email on its way to the race organizers, believing that I had seen and grasped God's answer to my money problem in entering the race and thereby raising money for Daniel, I fully expected to recieve an affirmative answer within short order. This was, after all, God's doing, right? Well...kinda.

He *did* lead me to put 2 and 2 together and miraculously come up with 4. He took my desire to become more fully myself and my desire to be his hands and feet to Daniel and gave me a flash of insight into how those two things could entwine to accomplish His purposes. But HE didn't really do the providing the funds through the waiver; that was MY idea. I researched. I planned. I saw. I was wrong. Not only did I discover this, but He made me WAIT to discover it. I suppose He knows that this hard-headed daughter of His needs some very visual lessons to get it sometimes.

I didn't hear back from the race committee the next day. Or the next. I d…

Yes, Ma'am.

I am writing this post in obedience and respect to my mother. I have been properly rebuked for leaving the last post "too short and with too much left unsaid." So... here ya go, Mom! A few more of those middle pieces now that we have the puzzle's outline finished! :D

I've already mentioned that I hate waiting. Usually, the way I get myself through it is by doing something: research, thought, making potential plans for what to do when the waiting ends, figuring out ways around the waiting... anything to occupy the time and make myself feel like there's maybe a *little* something I can do. I rarely wait quietly. Not proud of it, and I've actually grown some here, but it is what it is. This time was no different. I bought running shoes and researched training techniques. I selected a training schedule and set out on it. I researched fundraising options. I analyzed my area of influence and thought of how I could leverage it to help provide for Daniel. None of it …

More Pieces of the Puzzle

Time for part two of the ongoing "how'd I get my 38-year-old body involved in a half-marathon, anyway" saga!

So, there I was. The weight of wanting to do something for sweet Daniel heavy on my heart. Every now and then I'd sit and try to figure out what I could do, how I could cut our slim budget to give, what talents I had that could be used to raise money. Consistently, I drew a blank. The answer always seemed to be "Wait. I'll show you. Later." This is where you need to know that I HATE WAITING! I do many things well. Waiting is not one of them. I am ungracious about it. Even when I know WHO it is that's telling me to do it. I *so* relate to the persistent widow in Scripture! I'd bet that more than once, He's answered me just to get me to shut up. ;-D

While I wracked my brain for solutions, God quietly worked His plan in His time. During this waiting time I was also experiencing some personal growth in other areas. You've heard me tell…